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Add these together and you've kind of got House

Add these together and you've kind of got House
Miss House? Don't worry, here's two new TV doctor shows lined up to replace him, both of which DEFINITELY have legs.
Ever since House and Wilson rode off into the sunset there's been a doctor-shaped hole in the TV landscape. I need someone, anyone, to come along and call their patients idiots for not realising they have septicemia, then ideally pass out on their bathroom floor after a Vicodin overdose every second episode if they can spare the time.

The networks have a couple of locums to pass the stethoscope to, though: starting with Jordana Spiro in The Mob Doctor, because if there's one career varied and sustainable enough to be conducive to a long-running TV series, it's patching up gunshot victims for the Mafia.

Oh OK, this doesn't look all that bad. And good to see Friday Night Lights quarterback Matt Saracen eventually found himself a proper job.

Next up is Animal Practice, in which veterinarian Dr George Coleman is IRASCIBLE and his METHODS are UNORTHODOX and the boss wants to SHUT him DOWN but she CAN'T because he SAVES LIVES, DAMNIT.

Oh, and his assistant is a monkey.

There's an app on my phone that will download your current thought processes and transcribe them for you literally. I experimented with it after watching both these trailers in a row. Here's what came out.

Neither of these really seem to me like viable long-term replacements for House. First, there doesn't seem to be THERE'S A MONKEY IN THE SECOND ONE much stress on character in either of them, whereas House always took time to develop its THE MONKEY HAD A WHITE COAT ON characters into people you could really root for.

Furthermore, I think the absence of a really charismatic leading actor HAHA, JUMPING, THE MONKEY WAS JUMPING UP AND DOWN is going to prove a problem in each case. House has demonstrated that medical drama doesn't have to just be done by numbers and THAT MONKEY WAS BRILLIANT that there's room for more than just the standard heart-wrenching hopeless child death scenes and ITS FACE, IT HAD A BRILLIANT LITTLE FACE AND PAWS endless romantic liaisons between doctors.

Personally, I think it's unlikely that House will ever be bettered in medical drama I'M DEFINITELY WATCHING THE ONE WITH THE MONKEY.
79p from the Android Store.

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