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Top Gear

News, Reviews, Features, Trailers & Rants...

James May to be switched off

Posted by Ed Williamson at 10:30 on 19 Jun 2015
James May to be switched off
With the already-tenuous purpose of James May now defunct, he is to be unplugged and put away in a box in the attic.

The news came as Top Gear announced that auditions for its presenting roles alongside new host Chris Evans were open to literally everyone but May.

"What is he
for?" pondered BBC Director-General Tony Hall in a statement. "I suppose you could keep him in the kitchen and use his fingers as a mug tree. Or he could double as a keep-left sign if he could remember to point to the left."

"I don't even have a car," confirmed May, making himself comfortable between the artificial Christmas tree and a big box of Duplo.

Hammond "started Top Gear fracas then ran away"

Posted by Ed Williamson at 23:30 on 10 Mar 2015
Hammond "started Top Gear fracas then ran away"
The BBC has confirmed reports that Richard Hammond provoked the fracas between presenter and opinion-fabricator Jeremy Clarkson and a Top Gear producer. He then ran behind Clarkson and at intervals poked his tiny head into view to say "Yeah!" while the larger man conducted the argument. When the altercation turned physical he did little except aim a kick at the producer when he was on the ground and then back away hurriedly.

Hammond, 45, was asked to present the show in Clarkson's absence but, on realising none of his bigger mates were around, only went red and mumbled something about how he got loads of girls and his uncle owned a BMX factory. James May refused on the grounds of being literally incapable of anything.

Clarkson was predicted to end up doing really well out of the whole thing somehow and to have his cause tirelessly championed by people who think speed cameras are enforced by Sharia law or something.

If the new Top Gear DVD cover told the truth

Posted by Ed Williamson at 23:45 on 28 Nov 2012
If the new Top Gear DVD cover told the truth
Another Christmas, another Top Gear DVD, another couple of million in Jeremy Clarkson's pocket. But come on, we know what they're really selling.

Breaking News: The Stig is some guy

Posted by Kirsty at 04:12 on 23 Aug 2010
Breaking News: The Stig is some guy
The Sunday Times has released the identity of Top Gear's stunt driver The Stig. Only 19 short months after the Daily Telegraph did.