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The X Factor

News, Reviews, Features, Trailers & Rants...

Just wait till he thinks he can sing, parents tell Cowell

Posted by Ed Williamson at 23:30 on 16 Feb 2014
Just wait till he thinks he can sing, parents tell Cowell
Parents across the UK congratulated Simon Cowell on the birth of his son this weekend, while delighting in anticipation that the boy would one day want to pursue a singing career.

Cyrus X Factor performance needed tiresome controversy bid, say fans

Posted by Ed Williamson at 23:45 on 19 Nov 2013
Cyrus X Factor performance needed tiresome controversy bid, say fans
Viewers were left non-plussed by the performance of Miley Cyrus on Saturday's edition of The X Factor, taking to social media to lament the absence of a transparent headline-grabbing stunt of some kind.

"It was hugely disappointing," wrote one. "I tuned in on the assumption that she might turn up on stage, get her bum out and stab a dwarf to death, or shit in her dungarees and use them like a catapult to fling it at the audience. But she just sat on this weird hill and sang a song about construction plant that I'm almost certain she isn't licensed to operate.

"A woman in her position has a duty to set feminism back by at least ten years with each appearance on television, and I for one will not stand for this."

Kingsland Road to have street named after them

Posted by Ed Williamson at 12:00 on 05 Nov 2013
Kingsland Road to have street named after them
X Factor boyband evictees Kingsland Road are to be honoured by the London Borough of Hackney, which has announced its plan to name a street after them. "It seems a fitting tribute," a council spokesperson confirmed. "We regret that for safety reasons we are unable to invite them to the unveiling ceremony, however, because the railway bridge where it runs into Shoreditch High Street is quite low, and their hair is so very tall."

Missing space blamed for District3 X-Factor exit

Posted by Ed Williamson at 23:30 on 12 Nov 2012
Missing space blamed for District3 X-Factor exit
The utter lunacy of District3 being called District3 and not District 3 has been widely cited as the cause of the group's departure from The X-Factor on Sunday.

X Factor judges "will definitely take in homeless guy, just not right now"

Posted by Ed Williamson at 23:45 on 18 Sep 2012
X Factor judges "will definitely take in homeless guy, just not right now"
When X Factor auditionee Robbie Hance announced he was homeless, the sympathy on the judges' faces was there for all to see. Later on, a producer came up with the brilliant idea that he could move in with one of them: an idea they all loved in theory.

Careers advice: being on X Factor or chimney sweeping?

Posted by Ed Williamson at 09:00 on 29 Aug 2012
Careers advice: being on X Factor or chimney sweeping?
Chimney sweep Kye Sones (real name Kye Sones) wowed X Factor judges and audiences alike this weekend with his rendition of a thing by someone or other. But would he be better off sticking to the brushes? We found out. Well, we made up some evidence and then pretended to find it out.

ITV2 mulls over further Olly Murs vehicles

Posted by Ed Williamson at 23:15 on 30 Apr 2012
ITV2 mulls over further Olly Murs vehicles
With ratings for its documentary series Life on Murs falling, ITV2 has been considering options for a new format, according to a leaked memo.

Tulisa condemns widespread broadcast of intimate acts

Posted by Ed Williamson at 22:27 on 22 Mar 2012
Tulisa condemns widespread broadcast of intimate acts
X-Factor judge Tulisa Contostavlos has rightly condemned the act of exploiting the opportunities afforded by personal intimacy for one's own gain, and bemoaned the blurring of the lines between public and private. Again, that's X-Factor judge Tulisa Contostavlos.

Cowell DJ reality show judges "to be pilled off their swedes"

Posted by Ed Williamson at 21:00 on 27 Jan 2012
Cowell DJ reality show judges "to be pilled off their swedes"
The judges in Simon Cowell's forthcoming X Factor-style DJ talent show are to ingest a cocktail of mind-altering substances in order to properly appraise the contestants, it has emerged.

16 stupidest X Factor headlines

Posted by Matt Looker at 18:27 on 10 Dec 2011
16 stupidest X Factor headlines
To celebrate this weekend's X Factor final (as in, we're celebrating it finishing), I've gathered together the best/worst X Factor headlines over the course of the competition. After all, headlines are what the show is all about. I think. It certainly isn't about fucking singing.