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There was surprise this week in my household, which consists of me, that Jim Davidson won Celebrity Big Brother. I was under the impression that everyone thought he was a cunt. Then I realised something: he won because
he's a cunt.
As the latest season of Celebrity Big Brother entered its seventh day this morning, the remaining contestants entered the Guinness Book of World Records for having continuously lived with Jim Davidson for longer than any other person, living or dead. The previous record was held by John Virgo, who managed a six-day stint on a Big Break promotional residency at a Butlins holiday camp in the early 1990s.
Celebrity Big Brother producers today expressed surprise that Ron Atkinson had said something racist on the show. "It came right out of the blue," a spokesperson confirmed. "It's not as if, outside football, he's most well known for having publicly made a racist remark. Mainly we wanted him on the show to talk about his remarkable 1991 Rumbelows Cup campaign with Sheffield Wednesday. It never occurred to us he might say something controversial.
"All this is going to do is attract a lot of publicity to the show, which is the last thing we wanted. But we've used Big Brother's system of arbitrary made-up rules to give him a formal warning, and we consider that an end to the matter."
Missed the Big Brother Launch last night? Forgot it was on, seeing as it was on the day after
Paddy The Gypsy Traveller won 'Celebrity Big Brother� (they really need to rename that)? Or were you so determined to avoid the show, you cut out the '5� button on your remote control with a knife? Well, in any case, here�s a guide to the contestants so you can still make sense of forthcoming Daily Star headlines.
Want to know who just coughed in the Big Brother house? Why wait for Channel 5�s nightly airing of the show when Digital Spy gives you up-to-the-minute updates on literally everything
Well here's the trailer for the new series, starting next week, and as you can see, it's pretty mmpfhgpfmf. (*shoves gun in mouth*)