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Stack 'em high, flog 'em cheap, leave a better-looking corpse. We're over halfway point, so we'll start to see the ads for the 2016 arena tour of rejected candidates soon.
On this week's Apprentice, we learn how many Apprenti (that's the correct plural) it takes to clean a window, and we get four cracking double entendres. Every week we are further and further from God's light.
This week on The Apprentice, some friends become enemies, some enemies become friends, lessons are learned and everyone is richer for the experience.
This week, we're all about show-jumping bunnies and chickens in high-vis jackets. Thank God The Apprentice is finally taking itself seriously.
Bonjour mes amis! Je m'appelle Becky! J'habite a pres de Londres, avec ma petit cheval, Phillipe. La disk-jockey Sash est de retour. Encore une fois. Frere Jacques.
This week, the hapless contenders are shipped off to France, hence my amazing parlez. Also this week, the Apprentices/potential business partners are literally shovelling shit. Someone at the BBC's got a wry sense of humour.
How is it advertising week already? Usually we have to wait until episode 7 before this disaster crops up. I don't want to boast, but I did Young Enterprise when I was at school (1996 South-East Hants Division Winners), and the hand-drawn, felt-tip posters we did for our ethnic jewellery line (we called ourselves Isis – we didn't know any better back then) were better than this.
In preparation for the new season of The Apprentice, to fully understand the process the candidates go though I've recently completed a short course in Competitive Strategy and Game Theory at the LSE to improve my business knowledge and have been watching documentaries on Abu Ghraib and the Khmer Rouge regime to get used to ritual humiliation – let's get busy-ness-y!
This method of sitting and style of leather armchair is in the public domain and thus no iteration of Sherlock Holmes can claim it as its sole intellectual property. They only didn't use it in Mr Holmes because Ian McKellen is like ninety and he couldn't manage it without his knees cracking.
(NB no, Google Images doesn't have any pictures of Robert Downey Jr's Holmes sitting like this. My point still stands.)
Proof, if proof be needed, that if you wish hard enough for something it comes true, Lord Sugar has announced that Claude "The Gentleman Thug" Littner will replace Nick Hewer on the next season of The Apprentice. So in honour of the man who gives middle-managers from the East Midlands nightmares (and of me calling it all the way back in December
), here are 50 facts that are definitely true about Claude.
Eastenders today announced the arrival of new family the Lees, and confirmed that whatever big storylines are in store for them are largely irrelevant as they'll be conducted behind closed doors like most people's are.