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In alarming scenes, Alfie's self-regard has grown such that he needs to photograph himself constantly in order to share the images on social media, and he invents a contraption that allows him to do so while expending minimum effort. Meanwhile, HE'S ONLY BLOODY GONE AND BURNED DOWN HIS MISSUS AND THAT but he's too busy cycling through Instagram filters to notice.
(Pic from the Walford East blog.)
Former Hollyoaks sort Gemma Atkinson is to leave Casualty for the third time, sparking mild surprise among TV viewers that she was ever in it. "Oh, her out of Hollyoaks?" commented one human. "She was in Casualty, then? Wait, is that the one with the upstairs or the downstairs bit of the hospital? Which is the one that Finn off Hollyoaks was in? And Charlie, I know Charlie. Oh, he's in both? Right, right. And it's on when? Saturday, oh right, I'm usually picking the kids up from karate Saturday."
There was much rejoicing today as a picture from Cuckoo's second season revealed that Taylor Lautner looks an absolute weapon with a beard. As long as he doesn't take his shirt off we've got one over on him, lads.
Look at them, with their eggs and egg whisks and egg yolks. Every one of them a criminal mastermind.
The women of Walford are being questioned by a parliamentary select committee in a bid to understand why they keep getting off with a bald, middle-aged used car salesman.
Season three, episode three: Carol and Castor are in front of a board showing the network schedule, arguing about whether Matt LeBlanc's "Pucks" should get cancelled. In the 8.30 timeslot is a show called "Six of One", which is the title under which the Friends pilot was shot. And I thought this was going to be a quiet Saturday.
Impersonations are the work of the unfunny, slightly creepy guy you don't want to get stuck next to at the works do, as anyone who has heard my Nelson Mandela will confirm. Rob Brydon and Steve Coogan do them constantly throughout both seasons of The Trip not, I think, because that's what they revert to when improvising with each other, but because it suggests that they are slightly tedious company in real life, while simultaneously being funny to watch. Which seems to me pretty much the whole point.
With the Eastenders writing team steering the soap in a distinctly hitty-facey creative direction, we have gained access to some storyboards of the key scenes. (Spoiler alert: we haven't.)
It's been something of a revelation to me, as the worst kind of TV snob who likes to watch and discuss "high-end", mainly American, drama, that four months back in the snug embrace of Eastenders has been quite so rewarding.
Tom Hardy's much-talked-about role in the second season of Peaky Blinders will comprise his being on a horse talking to himself while no other actors appear on screen, we can exclusively reveal. With his life collapsing around him, the character will ride the horse from Birmingham to London, unaccountably talking like Ivor the Engine, while the camera frames him and nothing else. The episode will play out in real time, and last for two days.