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The current series of Doctor Who has been one of the most successful in recent years. The episodes have been pretty much universally praised by critics and fans alike, and the reaction to the latest incarnation of the Doctor, played by Peter Capaldi, has been unanimously positive. So why aren't I enjoying it as much as everyone else seems to be?
So black-belt Chiles has been given the chop from The Apprentice, but there are still 576 hopefuls left. Due to BBC scheduling, even though we're only on the second episode I can't remember what my life was like before this year's series started: when Lord Sugar announced that he is "the judge, jury and executioner" I hoped he would grant me the sweet release of death.
It's been 10 years and yet an Apprentice has still not managed to get the coveted Christmas No. 1. To improve his chances, Lord Sugar has widened the pool to 20 prospective "partners", thereby giving me 20 chances to swear at the TV on a Wednesday evening.
I admit to not being a fountain of good ideas when it comes to this website. Which is why the opportunity to embed a load of people's tweets about a controversial episode of Eastenders is a ruddy godsend.
Peaky Blinders, while being fairly good and having the advantage of a second-season role for Tom Hardy, which will factually be brilliant, is saddled with a rubbish title.
In alarming scenes, Alfie's self-regard has grown such that he needs to photograph himself constantly in order to share the images on social media, and he invents a contraption that allows him to do so while expending minimum effort. Meanwhile, HE'S ONLY BLOODY GONE AND BURNED DOWN HIS MISSUS AND THAT but he's too busy cycling through Instagram filters to notice.
(Pic from the Walford East blog.)
Former Hollyoaks sort Gemma Atkinson is to leave Casualty for the third time, sparking mild surprise among TV viewers that she was ever in it. "Oh, her out of Hollyoaks?" commented one human. "She was in Casualty, then? Wait, is that the one with the upstairs or the downstairs bit of the hospital? Which is the one that Finn off Hollyoaks was in? And Charlie, I know Charlie. Oh, he's in both? Right, right. And it's on when? Saturday, oh right, I'm usually picking the kids up from karate Saturday."
There was much rejoicing today as a picture from Cuckoo's second season revealed that Taylor Lautner looks an absolute weapon with a beard. As long as he doesn't take his shirt off we've got one over on him, lads.
Look at them, with their eggs and egg whisks and egg yolks. Every one of them a criminal mastermind.
The women of Walford are being questioned by a parliamentary select committee in a bid to understand why they keep getting off with a bald, middle-aged used car salesman.