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Brody named 'Worst Suicide Bomber' at annual Al-Qaeda Awards

Brody named 'Worst Suicide Bomber' at annual Al-Qaeda Awards
At the annual Al-Qaeda awards in tribal Pakistan last night, Marine Sergeant Nicholas Brody received the terrorist network's equivalent of a Razzie for pussying out of a suicide bombing.
After his attempt to blow up Vice-President Walden, CIA Director of Counterterrorism David Estes and a whole bunch of other important-looking people in suits went south when he couldn't go through with it, Sergeant Brody has become a figure of fun among his Al-Qaeda colleagues, who have reportedly changed his screensaver at the office to a picture of Harry Kewell.

First his vest malfunctioned after a couple of wires came loose, and then he changed his mind after talking to his daughter on the phone.

Al-Qaeda leader Ayman al-Zawahiri said on presenting the award:

Look, we all know it's a bit of a shit sandwich, this suicide bombing caper. It's not much of a career move and it tends to make a bit of a mess on the carpet.

But once you've decided to do it, you need to bloody grow a pair and get on with it.

Brody: senior Al-Qaeda figures were reportedly "not sure about letting in a ginger in the first place".

He went on:

I didn't get where I am today by not blowing myself up. My daughter used to call me all the time when I was about to hit the detonator, but did I let that stop me?

Of course not. I told her to wind her flipping neck in and then I let it rip.
Sergeant Brody did not attend the ceremony, which was hosted by Jonathan Ross and featured live performances by Adele and JLS.

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Posted by Nick at 23:19 on 09/05/12
It's ok, I was pretty much expecting that ending anyway.