What's Luther been up to?
Posted by Ed Williamson at 23:30 on 10 Jun 2013
Kicking back on the roof, thinkin' 'bout stuff
After the EXPLOSIVE events of two years ago, in which he ... solved some crimes, didn't he? Something like that? Luther took a week's holiday to sit on the roof of his council block, thinking about stuff in a yellow cardigan. A man had a go at him for scaring his pigeons.
Macking on Beyoncé
You're best off not getting involved with rappers' wives unless you like getting pistol-whipped by twelve-strong entourages in hotel foyers, but Luther couldn't help himself after bumping into Beyoncé in the Lewisham branch of Dallas Chicken. He broke off the relationship after realising that not a single word she had ever sung made a lick of sense.
Going to fancy dress parties as MC Hammer
Trousers not pictured.
Volunteering for the Metropolitan Police Robocop pilot project
It didn't pan out: the kids in Croydon just nicked his legs while he wasn't looking.
Then giving it another try with a new model
The decision to use gold just made matters worse, if anything. This led to the resignations of most high-level decision-makers involved.
Ruing his decision not to buy a tie pin
Being a complex, brooding sort of figure, Luther has little time for sartorial accoutrements, which means he ends up looking like a mug whenever it gets windy. He's wrestled with the quandary for some months.
Not being Lenny Henry
This picture appeared in one of the Google image searches I did for Idris Elba. I'm fairly sure they're not the same person. This is an obvious racist conspiracy on Google's part. Don't think I won't get started on the corporation tax thing too. Quick, someone explain the corporation tax thing to me.