Play the Parents Television Council 'baffling moral crusade' game

Play the Parents Television Council 'baffling moral crusade' game
I was reading about American pressure group the Parents Television Council and its crusade against NBC's The Playboy Club. Turns out that its website is a goldmine. But how many SICK, EVIL TV shows can you identify through the PTC's descriptions of their most offensive traits?
The PTC objects to The Playboy Club because, despite appearing to feature no sexual content or violence of any kind, it is about the original Playboy Club in Chicago, and is thus associated in some way with Playboy magazine, which has naked ladies in it. And naked ladies will one day kill us all.

Said Council President Tim Winter of the show:

What has been clear to everyone outside of NBC must now be clear even to those inside NBC - The Playboy Club is a commercial disaster and must be removed from the airwaves.

We call for the network to cancel this degrading and sexualising programme immediately. As a licensee of the public airwaves, NBC has breached the public trust by airing what amounts to a weekly advertisement for a pornographic brand.
So they're a good bunch, then.

There are two things I like in particular about the PTC website. The first is their logo:

What I really like about this is that presumably it represents their ideal scenario for a child watching television. You will note that the child really isn't enjoying it at all.

The second is the drop-down menu feature which allows you to pick a network show and be treated to a free review of whether or not it is suitable for families to watch, along with a traffic-light system as an easy guide. Red is bad. The Shield, for example, gets a very red traffic light indeed, along with the comments:

Foul language is frequent and extremely graphic. Words like "goddamn," "asshole" and "shit" and dialogue such as "I'm sure those fat white guards in double-D block already have a cum-stained towel with your name on it" being common. Violence is explicit and bloody, and sex and nudity have been openly depicted.
And of course, this is fair enough (though in honesty I always found the fact that not one inner-city LA cop, Armenian mafioso or Mexican drug-dealer in The Shield ever uttered the word "fuck" a little unrealistic). I'd expect parents to realise that it wasn't a show for a five-year-old to be watching without external guidance, but whatever: a valuable public service.

So let's play a game. Read the show synopses below that I've pasted from the PTC website and see if you can guess which show they're describing, then click underneath each one to find out.

Remember, all of these shows received red traffic light status, and are therefore just as unsuitable for family viewing as The Shield.
***'s exploits are not suitable for children. Sexual content is a major area of concern. Sexual innuendo and sexual situations are frequent; among the show's characters and settings are a prostitute and several strippers. ***�s ex-wife *** is constantly engaged in sexual activity. In one episode this season *** attends an anniversary party where all the guests are former lovers. Language is also a significant issue for this series, with "son of a bitch," "boobs," "damn," and "hell" used frequently.
Click here to reveal the show.
The content on *** is not appropriate for children of any age. Language includes "hell," "damn," "bastard," "crap," "ass," and "bitch." Sexual dialogue and humor is nonstop. *** is promiscuous and uses women for sex without any meaningful relationships. Scenes have included *** in bed with three women at once, constant references to ***�s masturbatory habits, and references to ***�s affection for pornography. Other sexual humor surrounds *** entering puberty, his disdain for his father, and his admiration for ***. There are countless jokes involving penises, oral sex, prostitution, and pornography.
Click here to reveal the show.
Sex is a frequent topic on ***, with storylines exploring issues of virginity, promiscuity, and teen pregnancy. In the season opener, *** gets drunk and fools around with a boy who takes a nude photo of her with his cell phone without her knowledge. Her rival, ***, subsequently forwards the "sext" to everyone in school. Meanwhile, *** deals with the aftermath of her baby�s adoption. Language is also a problem. Words like "bastard," "ass," "bitch," and "screw" are frequently used. Violence is generally not a problem. Occasionally, the characters might get into a fist fight, but weapons and blood are never shown.
Click here to reveal the show.
Offensive sexual content is the show�s primary concern. *** in particular makes many jokes of a sexual nature. There are also scenes of implied sexual activity, and more serious discussion of sexually-related elements (such as rape) in courtroom proceedings. In addition, one episode deals with the storyline of a 15-year old girl who contracts HIV during unprotected sex and wants the school to take some of the blame for inaccurate information about condoms. Language is not as common, with occasional utterances of "damn," "hell," and "piss" as well as infrequent mentions of "ass," and "bitch." Violence is not common, but there are often flashbacks to death scenes during a trial, and such content (which includes strangulation and firing a gun) is somewhat graphic.
Click here to reveal the show.
Graphic violence continues to be the most problematic aspect of this show. Last season, scenes included faces melting off of victims and body parts exploding. This season, *** is hunted by an assassin who has the ability to steal a person�s identity using a three-pronged machine jammed into the victim�s soft palate. Strange creatures often pop up to devour the population. Occasionally sex is also an issue, with *** making off-color comments about sex. Language including "bitch," "damn," and "ass" appear in the show with some regularity.
Click here to reveal the show.
Parents should be aware that this is an edgy teen show filled with adult themes. Simulated sex scenes are usually left to the adults on the show, but sexual situations between the teens are dealt in frank and explicit ways. For instance, there is a running joke that the main jock love-interest, ***, has a problem with premature ejaculation. In fact, he is lead to believe that he impregnated his girlfriend this way when they were making out in a hot tub. She happens to be the president of the celibacy club who, unbeknownst to ***, has slept with his best friend. There are also occasional veiled references to [here they've missed something out - I can only presume they found it too shocking to type. In its absence I'm going to presume the missing phrase is 'donkey-punching' or 'Voltaire's Angry Glove']. One boy has recently come out of the closet and there are many homophobic jokes made at his expense. Language is occasionally harsh, with "bastard," "bitch," "freaking," "hell," and "damn" among the words used.
Click here to reveal the show.
ADODB.Field error '800a0bcd'

Either BOF or EOF is True, or the current record has been deleted. Requested operation requires a current record.

/ptc/shows/main.asp, line 29
Wait, that looks like an error message of some kind. The kind usually caused by missing content. Which means they must have no review of this show despite featuring it on the drop-down list. So which show is it?
Punchlines. Sometimes they just write themselves.

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Posted by Ali at 09:14 on 30/09/11
"Naked ladies will one day kill us all" is my new band name.