Doctor Who carries woman through lots of tin cans on fire
Posted by Ed at 23:30 on 02 Aug 2012
(Obviously, I don't call myself a serious TV journalist except when I write to my old school magazine with updates on how my life's going. Look, you don't know what the pressure's like, all right? Some of the people I went to school with have wives. Houses, for crying out loud.)
Now, there's this trailer for the ... I want to say seventh? ... season of Doctor Who. It will feature very few episodes and then, I'm presuming, a massive Christmas special, because that's how high-profile BBC dramas work.
Allow me to walk you through the key points. I apologise for this in advance.
Two people look out of a window
Their identities are shrouded in mystery. To me, anyway. What are they looking at? A bunch of spaceships. But why? Are they waiting for some sort of intergalactic bus replacement service?
There are lots of daleks in a big thing
Now the daleks, of course, they were around at the beginning of Doctor Who, like right back in interplanetary year six, or whatever. Now they're back, although maybe they've been back a while and I didn't notice. Going by the YouTube comments, the main source of surprise seems to be that one of them is an old dalek and the others are new. I don't know how you figure out the age of a dalek. Maybe cut it open and count the rings.
There are dinosaurs
Ooh, hello. Throw in a couple of CGI dinosaurs and you've got my interest. They tend to improve most things, in my experience. You know, like onion rings, or a lemon wedge.
From their appearance I'd say it's just possible that these are Eyeborgs, the BBC having struck a deal for their image rights. As awesome as this would be, as a licence fee-payer I'd rather the Beeb spent my money more wisely. They could've got a new Dyson Airblade for that.
There is a white Mike Tyson in a desert
After his two Hangover cameos, it's not too much of a stretch for Tyson to be popping up here. Not sure about the clothes though. As for him whiting up, there are probably a couple of layers of irony I'm missing. Maybe he's taking it back.
Kryten off Red Dwarf has got a cowboy hat on
This reminds me of that season six Red Dwarf episode where they were cowboys in Lister's mind. You know, the one where they artlessly crowbarred in a Wild West episode just because it's sci-fi and you can do anything you fancy and just about get away with it? Whereas here it's a WHOLE different kettle of fish.
The bloke off Kidulthood has been Inceptioned three dreams deep
He's looking off in the distance like he's just seen something amazing, so I guess he's just had his little memory safe thing cracked and someone's put a spinning top in there or whatever. Next thing you know he'll wake up on a plane and be all like, "You know what? I feel like dissolving my father's corporation. Say, it's most odd that my main business rival is coincidentally on this plane too. Hey ho, shouldn't think the two things are connected."
You might reasonably complain that I am underqualified to comment on Doctor Who. But I would counter that I've seen most episodes of Red Dwarf and Quantum Leap, and they're mainly the same thing, right?