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Hardy to get knob out on CBeebies

Posted by Ed Williamson at 12:45 on 06 Apr 2017
Hardy to get knob out on CBeebies
Tom Hardy's popular stint on Bedtime Stories is to end with a series finale in which he just shows you his penis.

My Google audio history is just recordings of me watching Friends

Posted by Ed Williamson at 16:45 on 01 Apr 2017
My Google audio history is just recordings of me watching Friends
This is a low point if I'm honest.

The Apprentice: season 12, episode 12 recap: "Cakermaker"

Posted by Ed Williamson at 23:30 on 20 Dec 2016
The Apprentice: season 12, episode 12 recap: "Cakermaker"
After years of affecting to be above it all like the dickhead I am, it finally happened. I cared who won The Apprentice. "Alana's has the less risk of the two business plans," I said to myself. "Surely Lord Sugar will see that; what self-respecting businessman wouldn't?" Well played, 2016. You win.

The Apprentice: season 12, episode 10 recap: "A Kick in the Botanicals"

Posted by Ed Williamson at 23:30 on 12 Dec 2016
The Apprentice: season 12, episode 10 recap: "A Kick in the Botanicals"
There's one man left and five women, just like that dream I keep having about being overpowered by the female Gladiators.

Your easy flowchart guide to Westworld plot twists

Posted by Ed Williamson at 16:00 on 03 Dec 2016
Your easy flowchart guide to Westworld plot twists
Heard tell on social media that there's a huge twist coming in Westworld? Whichever character it involves, allow us to simplify it for you.

The Apprentice: season 12, episode 8 recap: "Fish and Chips"

Posted by Ed Williamson at 23:30 on 28 Nov 2016
The Apprentice: season 12, episode 8 recap: "Fish and Chips"
Because they have chips at casinos. You know, as tokens for the ... you stopped reading these weeks ago, didn't you?

The Apprentice: season 12, episode 6 recap: "Ihr Kampf"

Posted by Ed Williamson at 23:30 on 12 Nov 2016
The Apprentice: season 12, episode 6 recap: "Ihr Kampf"
As I said back in December, continuing to watch The Apprentice in the event of a Trump presidency would be a discomfiting experience. And so it proves. The only light at the end of this tunnel is that the prospect of Lord Sugar becoming a ranting far-right demagogue who wins power in the UK is laughably slim, because engaging an audience, or even convincing one that he is more than barely alive, is not really his strong point.

The Apprentice: season 12, episode 4 recap: "Liberty Bells"

Posted by Ed Williamson at 13:30 on 30 Oct 2016
The Apprentice: season 12, episode 4 recap: "Liberty Bells"
I think there must be some mistake. This week's task appeared to be one that actually tested the candidates' sales acumen, a skill that might prove useful to Lord Sugar in a potential business partner, without requiring them to manufacture the items themselves, dress up as the Pet Shop Boys or learn Morris dancing. If he's not careful he'll end up with a viable commercial proposition on his hands.

The Apprentice: season 12, episode 2 recap: "Double Denim"

Posted by Ed Williamson at 23:30 on 15 Oct 2016
The Apprentice: season 12, episode 2 recap: "Double Denim"
"If you're building a business," notes project manager Jessica, "you need team players." A fair point, but one which neglects two things: on The Apprentice they aren't building a business; they're dancing like monkeys while a rich man watches, and the "team players" are participating in a process in which their colleagues' failure is their gain. Wait, I think I've cracked it.

When Louis Met Nick Pisa: watching two journalists examine their own work

Posted by Ed Williamson at 23:30 on 04 Oct 2016
When Louis Met Nick Pisa: watching two journalists examine their own work
On TV this week: one journalist wrestles with his conscience and tries to understand where he went wrong, while another discusses with undisguised glee how he exploited a young woman's murder for personal gain.