I went to the Fortitude premiere and they gave me a free bagel and the fake snow got stuck to my shoes and Christopher Eccleston had evidently really tied one on by the time they got round to the Q&A.
The BBC came under fire this afternoon as furious licence fee-payers saw the beard Damian Lewis is to wear as Henry VIII in Wolf Hall and said as one: "Not in my name."
"As gingers go, he's probably the best of the lot," admitted viewer Thackeray Fatch. "I liked that thing where he played the man in the war who was good at the war and Dexter Fletcher shouted a bit.
"But adding a beard is aggressively ginger if anything. It's typical of the BBC, pushing their liberal agenda and shoving minorities in our face. This is like how Idris Elba is playing James Bond, or how they've made the Pet Shop Boys Chinese.
"Next thing you know there'll be a Greek reading the news."
Despite Broadchurch being the only good thing on ITV since John Terry fell on his arse taking a penalty in the 2008 Champions League final, some people still had to complain. There was too much mumbling, apparently, and some viewers had to "put the words on". I scoured the internet for more complaints and it turns out this is just the tip of the moanberg.
What's that? No, there never used to be 20 shows in our end-of-year lists. You're imagining things. OK, maybe that's partially true. Fine, it's entirely true. But trust me, this is a bold new way of doing the traditional yearly round-up, and in no sense a way for me to spend more time eating cake and less time writing over Christmas.
Katie Hopkins doesn't mean any of the "controversial" things she says; she's just figured out that's how you get publicity and a career. The newspapers and websites that publish them and pretend to be angry about it know she doesn't mean them; it's just an easy headline that they know will get hate-clicks. It's a disingenuous façade on both sides. And you know she doesn't mean them, and you're not that angry about them anyway. Between her, the publisher and the reader, there is not one sincerely held opinion or emotion, or one deed committed in earnest, in the entire transaction. It is a waste of the time of everyone involved.
So don't engage in it. Don't expend energy tweeting about her, much less at her. Don't read Huffington Post blogs that affect to be outraged by what she said. To all intents and purposes, she is an actor playing a character. You might as well be furious at Yosemite Sam because he threatened Bugs Bunny with a gun.
If we're going to see out our days on this planet arguing on the internet, we might as well argue with people whose opinions are sincerely held. Like Russell Brand: his political ideas are pretty scattershot, but at least he means them. Or you could protest Paul Dacre, if you're after someone who genuinely holds the same opinions Katie Hopkins pretends to - and profits from them far more - by never clicking a MailOnline link again.
Make the world a slightly better place in 2015 and turn your back. Because if you don't look at her, she doesn't exist.
You could look at The Missing two ways, I suppose. Either it was ultimately about what happened to the kid or about what his disappearance did to his parents. The latter was more interesting to me but the finale tried a bit too hard to satisfy on both counts, letting them cancel each other out in the end. (Spoilers.)
Just wanted to say a quick thanks to everyone who tweeted with the hashtag #BroadchurchReturns yesterday to unlock this new trailer for season two. If you hadn't, ITV probably wouldn't have bothered releasing it.
Obviously I don't watch The Apprentice, because it is among the litany of modern cultural images intended to discourage individual thought, divert our notions of aspiration towards dreams of meaningless celebrity, and make us dumb, compliant and less likely to rise up and overthrow the shadowy conservative plutocracy that owns the media. But I've recapped last night's episode anyway for funzies.
I don't know about you, but I know a lot about Marco Polo, including the fact that he was called Marco Polo, and also what his name was, and a little bit about what people mainly addressed him as when they spoke to him. Bring it on, Netflix!
Probably the easiest way to turn yourself into an online pariah or to bait hate-clickers right now is to say you feel sorry for Dapper Laughs, so it's a good job I don't. Fifteen minutes of fame is as much as his act merited. But I did get the sense, watching him being skewered by Emily Maitliss on Newsnight this week, that he hadn't quite appreciated that there's a difference between being an internet star and a TV personality, and that the two arenas have different rules.