2. A Pasty from the Garage
3. Ham Bap
4. Zinger Tower Meal
5. Prawn Ring
6. Rib 'n' Saucy Nik-Naks
7. Big Dairy Milk on Offer in Smiths
8. Olympic Breakfast
10. Crunch Corner
11. Had Some of That Beef Left Over So Just Did That with Some Spuds
13. Kinder Bueno
With the already-tenuous purpose of James May now defunct, he is to be unplugged and put away in a box in the attic.
The news came as Top Gear announced that auditions for its presenting roles alongside new host Chris Evans were open to literally everyone but May.
"What is he
for?" pondered BBC Director-General Tony Hall in a statement. "I suppose you could keep him in the kitchen and use his fingers as a mug tree. Or he could double as a keep-left sign if he could remember to point to the left."
"I don't even have a car," confirmed May, making himself comfortable between the artificial Christmas tree and a big box of Duplo.
Yes, you thought this site consisted solely of recaps of Mad Men
nowadays. Well, surprise. We also review shows that are a little bit like Mad Men.
As I've said more than once before, and will repeat endlessly until someone tells me how clever I am, Mad Men has chronicled the decade in which ideas first became commodities. Its ending demonstrates how the sixties were an age in which everyone had ideas all the time – Let's open a gallery in this old shed! Let's move to San Francisco and paint wooden eggs! – and how people gradually filtered out all this noise and made sense of it all.
"Muuuuuu-uuummmmm, noooo!" That was the background noise to my formative years. To this day my mum still insists on grabbing my hand when crossing the road and takes great delight in telling all and sundry about whatever embarrassing ailment I may have. But not even she would have the stones to use TV to "teach me a lesson." But then my mum's not Aurora from Texas.
Betty Francis took a lot of shit down the years, from her husbands, from her daughter and from Mad Men viewers insistent on judging her by contemporary standards of parenting and womanhood. Maybe she's due a reappraisal.
Sometimes Mad Men makes me doubt my own intellect, something that usually happens only when I wake up and survey the remnants of a wholly unnecessary Dallas Chicken meal bought drunkenly the night before. But there lives an intellectual joust within the self on watching high-quality, subtext-laden TV. Am I getting it "right"? If I type my interpretations into Google, will I find others think the same, thereby validating me? Or if I announce them in public will I be scorned by my peers for missing the allegory? Well, this time I'm going for broke. "Lost Horizon" is all about God.
There are a few things in this world that I'm scared of. Horses. Moths. John Barrowman. And now, this week's catfish. Spoiler: this week's episode is like staring into the abyss and seeing all four staring back at you – but they all have your face
Proof, if proof be needed, that if you wish hard enough for something it comes true, Lord Sugar has announced that Claude "The Gentleman Thug" Littner will replace Nick Hewer on the next season of The Apprentice. So in honour of the man who gives middle-managers from the East Midlands nightmares (and of me calling it all the way back in December
), here are 50 facts that are definitely true about Claude.
Tonight, on a very special Catfish: enough about protein shake ads on the tube: the real body-shamers are Nev and Max, who bust out the first "Secret Fatty" theory of the season.