In alarming scenes, Alfie's self-regard has grown such that he needs to photograph himself constantly in order to share the images on social media, and he invents a contraption that allows him to do so while expending minimum effort. Meanwhile, HE'S ONLY BLOODY GONE AND BURNED DOWN HIS MISSUS AND THAT but he's too busy cycling through Instagram filters to notice.
(Pic from the Walford East blog.)
Former Hollyoaks sort Gemma Atkinson is to leave Casualty for the third time, sparking mild surprise among TV viewers that she was ever in it. "Oh, her out of Hollyoaks?" commented one human. "She was in Casualty, then? Wait, is that the one with the upstairs or the downstairs bit of the hospital? Which is the one that Finn off Hollyoaks was in? And Charlie, I know Charlie. Oh, he's in both? Right, right. And it's on when? Saturday, oh right, I'm usually picking the kids up from karate Saturday."
It's a cartoon about a drunk horse, but I still think it has something interesting to say about contemporary celebrity. I will not let this Media Studies degree go to waste.
No one makes engaging drama about the people who built the first British railways, do they? No, we just get documentaries about it on BBC4 presented by men in cardigans. Did the British railway pioneers spend half their time shooting folk, throwing back sippin' whisky and frequenting mobile brothels? Probably not, and anyway, no one wants to see them do it.
The days of celebrities pouring water over their heads for charity appear to be numbered, after it was revealed today that former Eastenders star Dean Gaffney is the last remaining celebrity on the planet not to have taken part.
If you've got a spare half-hour, here's two Letterman appearances, 22 years apart. I haven't laughed so much in weeks.
There was much rejoicing today as a picture from Cuckoo's second season revealed that Taylor Lautner looks an absolute weapon with a beard. As long as he doesn't take his shirt off we've got one over on him, lads.
Look at them, with their eggs and egg whisks and egg yolks. Every one of them a criminal mastermind.
They've got the clothes out of storage again but the cost of rebuilding the sets was a bit toppy so they just shot it in the car park.
(via Domenick Lombardozzi's Instagram.)
You can imagine the pitch meeting for Masters Of Sex: "It's like Mad Men
– but with boobs!" Whilst it's not an entirely inaccurate description – there's lots of attractive people in fabulous period costumes, smoking, slow-burning plots aplenty and, yes, boobs (not to mention a never-ending parade of other body parts, both male and female) – it's very much its own show. For a start, at no point in Mad Men does anyone brandish a dildo called Ulysses, although Don could probably do one hell of an ad campaign for it.