This trailer suggests the TV show deviates wildly from the classic Buzzfeed list article so beloved by millions of share-hungry fans. First the whole Seven Samurai debacle and now this.
Wesley Snipes's TV pilot, Endgame, definitely won't go to shit in a shopping trolley, insiders say.
"There's no safer pair of hands in the business than Snipes," said an NBC executive. "If you want someone to show up on time, be content with the modest rider laid on in his trailer and get on famously with the creative team, that's Wesley. That's why I didn't hesitate to personally approve his casting.
"Hot in here, isn't it? I feel like it's hot in here."
American politics is a right old carry-on. They have ballot papers designed by Chad Michael Murray and they don't even have a rich family they pay a huge annual salary to nonce off teenage girls and dress up as Nazis at parties. If only House of Cards made it easier to understand WAIT IT DOES
In the knowledge that this is a pretty big deal for Eastenders and they really don't want it to be an anticlimax, there's every chance the BBC are going to throw a massive curveball when it comes to unveiling Lucy Beale's murderer. What if it's not one of the 14 characters to whom they claim to have narrowed it down? What if it's someone else? What if it's you
? Actually, forget that last one; I got overexcited.
"He spun us some shit about the avian wonders of the jungles of New Guinea," explained a BBC executive, "but then he sent in an hour's worth of him hanging around with a load of page 3 girls. It's mainly just him saying stuff like 'Cor, bet you don't get many of those to the pound!' and chasing them round his garden."
"Paid the cost to be the boss," explained Attenborough, smoking a massive cigar in a jacuzzi.
I went to the Fortitude premiere and they gave me a free bagel and the fake snow got stuck to my shoes and Christopher Eccleston had evidently really tied one on by the time they got round to the Q&A.
The BBC came under fire this afternoon as furious licence fee-payers saw the beard Damian Lewis is to wear as Henry VIII in Wolf Hall and said as one: "Not in my name."
"As gingers go, he's probably the best of the lot," admitted viewer Thackeray Fatch. "I liked that thing where he played the man in the war who was good at the war and Dexter Fletcher shouted a bit.
"But adding a beard is aggressively ginger if anything. It's typical of the BBC, pushing their liberal agenda and shoving minorities in our face. This is like how Idris Elba is playing James Bond, or how they've made the Pet Shop Boys Chinese.
"Next thing you know there'll be a Greek reading the news."
Despite Broadchurch being the only good thing on ITV since John Terry fell on his arse taking a penalty in the 2008 Champions League final, some people still had to complain. There was too much mumbling, apparently, and some viewers had to "put the words on". I scoured the internet for more complaints and it turns out this is just the tip of the moanberg.
I know two weeks is a long time to wait for a recap, but it's taken this long for the police to cut through the chains tying me to the railings outside Lord Sugar's house, where I turned up on Sunday 21st in protest. Let's just say some things were yelled, some slogans were daubed in biohazardous material, but in the end no one got hurt. By now you should all know who won, and I AM NOT HAPPY ABOUT IT. Nevertheless, let's recap the night as it happened and see if anything I say will stand up in court.
What's that? No, there never used to be 20 shows in our end-of-year lists. You're imagining things. OK, maybe that's partially true. Fine, it's entirely true. But trust me, this is a bold new way of doing the traditional yearly round-up, and in no sense a way for me to spend more time eating cake and less time writing over Christmas.